Let’s Bask in the Father-Son Joy of DJ Khaled and Baby Asahd 

Image via Getty.

On October 23rd 2016, Khaled Mohamed Khaled—also known as DJ
Khaled—became a father. Khaled and his fiancée Nicole Tuck, the
most patient woman on Earth, welcomed a
bright-eyed baby boy named Asahd Tuck Khaled into the world and
my expectations for babies will never be the same.

My first memory of Asahd is this video of him being fitted for
a baby tuxedo ahead of his appearance at the 2017 Grammy
Awards.

“Wow,” I thought, “That is a cute ass baby.” “Wow,” I also
thought, “That sure is a fancy outfit for a baby.” “Damn,” I
continued, “Do they really make Rolexes for babies or is DJ
Khaled just kidding?” “Man,” I finally concluded, “That baby
looks stressed as hell.”

HOMIE CAN’T EVEN HOLD IS OWN HEAD UP AND HE’S ALREADY GETTING
FITTED FOR BESPOKE BABY SUITS OR SOME SHIT.

It was then that knew this would be a wild ride and I’m not
even related to Asahd.

As I increased my consumption of DJ Khaled’s social media
offerings, I started noticing a curious look in Asahd’s eyes.
Now, this is not to suggest that he is in any way not properly
cared for. I firmly believe Asahd is one of the most adored
children to ever crawl this earth. No, it just looked like
Asahd was finally starting to realize some shit—like the fact
that this fucking camera was probably going to be in his face a
lot.

Images via DJ Khaled’s Snapchat

But I quickly forgot all that when Khaled started posting these
aggressively adorable videos of a father giving loving
assurances to his son.

Over time Khaled developed his tender whispers of affection to
Asahd into a full blown rallying cry of
“yesboyyesboyyesboyyesboyyesboy” that almost always makes Asahd
smile.

Of course, DJ Khaled is also the personification of “extra,” so
at some point, he started inundating Asahd with some rather
lofty affirmations.

THAT’S A LOT OF PRESSURE, YO!

However, if there is any infant up to the challenge, it is
Asahd. During just 8 months on the planet, that little boy has
already:

For reality’s sake, here are some things Asahd cannot do:

  • Walk
  • Feed himself
  • Count to two
  • Read
  • Speak in complete sentences
  • Write
  • Sign a contract
  • Express when he has to use the bathroom

And why has Ashad been living like some sort of Saudi prince?
Because his father has a vision. I know that technically DJ
Khaled is a DJ and producer, but let’s be real—the man’s best
skill is his ability to market and promote. How else do you explain the
fact that he continues to release entire albums when he neither
sings nor raps? Naturally, he put those exact abilities to work
when his son was born.

I remember when Khaled first announced that Asahd would be
executive producing his new album. “That’s a cute joke,” I
thought. As it became more apparent how serious Khaled was
about this, I said to myself: “Well that’s a damn good way to
pad the kid’s trust fund before he can even walk.” As Khaled
explained to Jimmy Kimmel, Asahd
has his “attorney has his points and royalties, everything.”

Asahd’s role as “executive producer” is clearly a damn clever
way for DJ Khaled to both set up his son financially and
provide him with an absolutely no-brainer marketing strategy. I
mean, COME ON:

Images via DJ Khaled’s Instagram

THERE IS NO END TO THE NUMBER OF TIMES I WOULD CLICK ON A DJ
KAHLED AND BABY ASAHD MATCHING OUTFIT PHOTOSHOOT.

There’s also the fact that pretty much everyone who steps foot
in DJ Khaled’s home or on the set of one of his music videos
will find him or herself holding baby Asahd at some point and
honestly, Asahd is the one doing them the favor.

Images via DJ Khaled’s Instagram

And as it turned out, that shit worked. “I’m the One,” the
first single off Khaled’s upcoming album, Grateful, as
well as my accurate selection as song of the summer, has
already gone double platinum.

I’m not exactly sure how this is going to work out if Khaled
and Tuck decide to have more children because he’d basically
have to make another hit album for those kids just to keep
things even. There’s also the possibility that Asahd will grow
up to be a regular person instead of a mogul or a boss, but
we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

For now, Asahd is already an icon.

I would also argue he’s the greatest baby to ever do it.

And of course, he’ll always be DJ Khaled’s son.

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