Congrats to All the Annas

Image: Getty

heartthrob and expert
Harry Styles debuted two “seemingly
brand-new songs
” at a live show in Switzerland over the
weekend. One is (probably) called “Medicine,” and is about
precisely what you’d expect. The other is an ode not to his
Dunkirk co-star Fionn Whitehead, but
instead to someone named Anna. Congrats!

The song, (probably) called “Anna” and filmed vertically by
countless Stylestans, contains lyrics like:

“Every time I see your face, there’s only so much I can
take/Oh, Anna!”

“Don’t know how you taste when/there’s smoke in your
perfume/So chew me up and spit me out/Nothing left to lose.”

“I don’t want your sympathy/But you don’t know what you do to
me/Oh, Anna!”

(So it could also be a person named Oanna.)

To the best of my knowledge, Harry Styles has never publicly
dated someone named Anna, but after slightly considerable
thought, I have concluded that the object of his affection is
none other than Gizmodo Media Group’s very own Anna Merlan.

When pressed for comment, Ms. Merlan said, coyly, “…..”

She denied all my requests to elaborate.

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