Diddy and Queen Elizabeth Have Some Shady Tendencies in Common

Image by Tara Jacoby, featuring the shade artist at a
young age.

It is officially summer. You probably already knew that and I’m
not sure what you’ll do with that information if you didn’t but
I felt it needed to be said. This means we’re almost halfway
through 2017 and I plan on spending the next few months
preserving my strength so I can make it over the finish line.
Let’s see how that goes.

In this week’s Shade Court, friends become enemies, Diddy
sharpens his skills and Queen Elizabeth surprises me yet again.

Shade Court Docket #2017JZ000076

Image via Getty.

The Case: Diddy threw a party to celebrate the
release of his new documentary, Can’t Stop, Won’t
Stop
. As is customary at any celebratory gathering of more
than about 10 people these days, there was a photobooth. Diddy
hopped in the booth with Kendall Jenner (or perhaps vice versa)
and later posted the image on Instagram and captioned it:

The Defendant: Cosmopolitan

The Evidence:

The Deliberation: First of all, let’s just
acknowledge that, intentional or not, this is extremely funny.
Now, on one hand, he did get in there, pose with her and post
it on Instagram, so I’d assume he does actually know who
Kendall Jenner is. However, that still ain’t Kylie Jenner.

The argument for shade is made all the more compelling due the
precedent Diddy set last month at the Met Ball when he cropped both Kylie and Kendall Jenner out of a
photo
. I can also see him legitimately getting them
confused because, really, is there a practical difference?
A Jenner is a Jenner is a Jenner. Let’s the real,
the main reason he even posted this was to earn some cool
points with all the 14 year olds who have no idea who he is. In
that case, would it really matter which Jenner he used?

You can argue he didn’t care enough to notice the mistake or
that he did it deliberately. I’m going to split the difference
and suggest this might be a case of some subconscious shade on
Diddy’s part. It’s almost like when autocorrect changes
“kidding” to “kissing” or something like that. Either way, it
took him a minute to even catch the error which also says
something.

The Ruling: Shade

Shade Court Docket #2017JZ000077

Images via Getty.

The Case: Former president of Mexico Vicente
Fox Quesada recently recorded a video reminding Trump that his
country would not be paying “for the fucking wall.”

The Defendant: Ana Navarro

The Evidence:

The Deliberation: This is shade like my
afternoon glass of rosé is the handful of almonds a
nutritionist told me to snack on.

Mostly, I’d just like to remind everyone that Ana Navarro does
not know what the hell she’s talking when it comes to shade and
also that she really isn’t as great as she seems. I mean, look,
she’s fine. She’s fine. Ana is a rational doggy paddle
staying afloat in a sea of lunatics. More than anything, she is
willing to accept and state actual facts, which I know has
started to seem like a big deal but very much is not. Keep the
bar where it is, you guys. Please lordy lord keep it where it
should be.

Also, again, she is almost always wrong about shade.

The Ruling: Not shade

Shade Court Docket #2017JZ000078

Images via Getty.

The Case: The Queen rolled up to the opening
of Parliament wearing a hat that many are saying strongly
resembles the European Union flag. As we know, last year,
voters in the United Kingdom voted to leave the European Union.

The Defendant: The Guardian

The Evidence: 

Via The
Guardian:

The hat itself was glorious. A shade of papal purple, with
yellow flowers, she wore it with a matching day-coat and
dress in a print not a world away from Balenciaga’s
spring/summer 2017 inkjet floral print dress. Jolly,
informal, was it a deeply coded outfit, or simply
Instagram-friendly? Was she throwing shade at the
Brexit negotiations
or referencing Van Gogh’s Starry
Night? Is this royal purple or Lanvin lilac? And so on.

The Deliberation: I find the idea of Queen
Elizabeth being good at throwing shade completely unsurprising.
I mean, of course. Still, we need to dive into this.

The issue that arises is this all hinges on her true feelings
about Brexit. Before the vote, some reports argued Queen
Elizabeth was in favor of leaving the EU,
which makes sense because she is extremely old and has had
limited interaction with people of color. If we assume that’s
true, at what exactly would she be throwing shade? I guess she
could be taunting those who opposed Brexit, but I’m not sure
shade would be the world we’d want to use for that.

Alternatively, we could take this sartorial choice as a public
declaration of her true feelings—in which case, one would
assume she was in favor of the EU and opposed to Brexit.

Ordinarily, I’d say we don’t have enough evidence to say
definitively, but I find the hat in itself to be rather
compelling. I can’t even begin to imagine the care and planning
that goes into this woman’s wardrobe. Wearing this particular
accessory to this particular event must have been considered
not only by the Queen but also some team of handmaidens or
royal protocol czars or whatever.

This, I feel, was no accident and it wouldn’t be the first time
Elizabeth has surprised me.

The Ruling: Shade

Shade Court Docket #2017JZ000079

Images via Getty.

The Case: These two adult men are former
coworkers. Drake Bell (R) and Josh Peck (L) starred in
Nickelodeon’s Drake & Josh for four seasons. I
have no clue what they’ve been doing since, but presumably
they’ve been enjoying their money and explaining to baristas
why they look so familiar.

Recently, Josh married a woman.

It seems Drake was not invited to the wedding and expressed his
feelings about that decision on Twitter.

It seems he also commented on Josh’s
Instagram lamenting about not being invited to “your brothers
wedding.”

The Defendant: Cosmopolitan,
Hollywood Life

The Evidence:

Article preview thumbnail

Drake Bell Throws Major Shade At Josh Peck
After Not Getting Invited To His Wedding

Oh snap! Drake Bell is super bitter after not being invited
to his on-screen brother’s wedding this …

Read more

The Deliberation: You know what I enjoy? I
like when men do things to help remind everyone that traits and
behaviors we’ve been taught are specific to women in fact are
not.

It’s like when I walk through my neighborhood and pass all the
adult men sleeping on the street for a pair of sneakers. Oh,
women be shopping, huh? Well you know what I’ve never done in
my entire life? Camped out on a slab of concrete for some
footwear.

Though I’m sure it would hurt not to be invited to the wedding
of any close friend, we rarely see disagreements like this
played out between two men and I sort of love it. Though, poor
Drake, I guess? Frankly, I am not a wedding person so it’s hard
for me to identify with being this upset over not being invited
to spend a ton of money to watch two people make a decision
that may or may not be temporary.

That said, Drake’s comments are pretty damn funny in their
utter lack of creativity and general pettiness. Come on man,
there was a Drake & Josh reference to be made
somewhere and instead you used cliches like “true colors” with
total sincerity.

In case it somehow still wasn’t clear, these pissy comments are
not shade.

The Ruling: Not shade

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