Florida Congressional Candidate Says She Was Abducted By Blonde, Well-Dressed Aliens As a Child

A Florida congressional candidate is in the news for her
history of going on talk shows and claiming she was once
abducted by stylish, long-haired aliens, with whom she
discussed everything from the existence of God to the beginning
of the universe. This revelation does not even crack the top
100 most insane things to happen in politics this year, but it
is a nice mental break from discussing the
actual batshit people running the country, so let’s
proceed!

Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, a Republican, is running to replace
Rep. Ileana Ros-Lehtinen, who intends to retire at the end of
this term. Aguilera formerly served as a city council member in
Doral City, as well as its economic development director,
though her positions on actual issues are somewhat difficult to
find, buried under endless commentary of her wacky belief that
she was abducted by aliens when she was 7-years-old. A sexual
predator may be in the White House; his second-in-command may
be a Stephen Gammell drawing
brought horribly to life, but sure. Aliens. A bridge too far.

Several years ago, Aguilera took to Spanish-language television
stations to share her story, in which she describes the aliens as
“female journalists with long, lustrous blond hair.” From the Miami
Herald
:

She described “going up” inside the spaceship — though
whether it went into space or just hovered around town was
left unclear.

“I went in. There were some round seats that were there, and
some quartz rocks that controlled the ship — not like
airplanes,” Rodriguez Aguilera said.

While inside, the aliens chatted with Aguilera about all sorts
of things—an island with 30,000 skulls in a Mediterranean cave,
that the world’s energy center is Africa, and that God is a
universal energy. In another interview, she said
the leggy space creatures reminded her a bit of Jesus Christ,
and that they made multiple visits over the course of her early
life.

Reached by the Herald for comment, Aguilera wrote:

For years people, including Presidents like Ronald Reagan and
Jimmy Carter and astronauts have publicly claimed to have
seen unidentified flying objects and scientists like Stephen
Hawking and institutions like the Vatican have stated that
there are billions of galaxies in the universe and we are
probably not alone. I personally am a Christian and have a
strong belief in God, I join the majority of Americans who
believe that there must be intelligent life in the billions
of planets and galaxies in the universe.

Never forget that former Hillary Clinton adviser (and before
that, former Bill Clinton chief of staff) John Podesta is an
apparent (and firm) believer in extraterrestrial
life, and that statistically, it seems totally preposterous
that we’re alone in the universe. As for why aliens haven’t
bothered to pay a visit to Earth: If you were a blond,
full-figured alien, would you feel comfortable dropping by
here?

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