Gird Your Loins for Donald Trump’s State of the Union, Which Jezebel Will Be Live Blogging

House Democrats pose in their funereal best. Photo via

The time has come for Donald Trump, president of these United
States, to chug a fountain soda, eat a pile of cheeseburgers,
and stand in front of Congress to share some words about the
state of this precious, precarious union. Are you excited?
Nauseous? Gassy? Great, us too.

What on earth will Trump talk about for one hour?
to the New York Times, some of his
supporters are afraid that the speech, written by Stephen
Miller, won’t retain Trump’s “hard edge”(?). The
of tonight’s proceedings is “building a safe, strong,
and proud America,” and Trump will talk about jobs and the
economy, infrastructure, immigration, trade, and national
security. Many
different people
will be in attendance; Melania Trump will
be there, surrounded by
emergency responders and ICE employees.
Lots of Democrats
not be there
, and the ones that are will be
wearing black,
in honor of Me Too and Time’s Up. Senator
Kristen Gillibrand is bringing Carmen Yulin Cruz, the mayor of
San Juan who publicly got into it with Trump and is in general,
a real spitfire. Probably some other stuff will happen, but who
can say? Trump’s team has been tight-lipped about what the
speech will actually comprise, so we’ll all have to clutch a
wine/seltzer/vape close and hope for something that doesn’t
start a war.

Here at Jezebel, we will be live blogging the entire charade,
perhaps engaging in a simple drinking game which we’ve gotten
good at since last January, called “How Drunk is Too Drunk for
a Tuesday?” If you’d like to play along, simply take a swig of
your preferred beverage if Trump mentions Russia, Robert
Mueller, Hillary Clinton, or “the wall.” If the words “Me Too”
fall from Trump’s chapped lips, please excuse yourself to the
kitchen, where you must shotgun a beer. Play along with us here
at Jezebel dot com, starting at about 9 p.m. EST.

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Here’s Your State of the Union Drinking

The State of the Union seems like an unnecessary relic of a
past era, when there was some distance…

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If you desire to watch, there are
many ways to do so
! ABC, CBS, NBC, PBS, Fox News, CNN,
MSNBC, C-SPAN, and Fox will air the speech live. For those
without the devil box in your home, you can stream it on the
White House’s
official page
or on
If you’re truly interested in torture, you can
stream it on Trump’s official website; donors
who paid at least $5
will have their names flashed across
the screen. Fun!

Please do join us for what should certainly be an Experience to
Remember, right back here at our around 9 PM. We’ll have fun.

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