Please Leave Hocus Pocus Alone

You could say this about every remake, reboot, and
nostalgia-driven television program being made today, but I’d
really like to be clear: Hocus Pocus does not need to
be fucked with. Please leave it alone.

Alas, my cries are unanswered once again: Deadline reports that the demons that
live in this world dressed in human form are developing a
“reimagining” of Hocus Pocus, a movie that is
essentially perfect and deserves no further consideration. The
“reimagining” will have a new cast and a new director, which
somehow makes it even worse. I can’t imagine Bette Midler,
Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker agreeing to reprise their
roles as the Sanderson sisters, but I also am
struggling with the idea of seeing anyone else inhabit the
unfortunate rodent-teeth dentures Bette Midler wore as Winnie.

To be clear— Hocus Pocus is not any sort of great
cinematic achievement. It’s a perfectly fine family film that
emphasizes the virginity of a 15 year old boy and features the
second worst animatronic black
cat
in television history. It’s the kind of movie that
provides endless amounts of fodder for an internet clamoring
for nostalgia content tailored to an audience that prefers to
express their feelings about, say, introversion, in GIFs
instead of words. It’s not that fucking with the original would
be an affront to its place in the hallowed history of film—we
just don’t need another Hocus Pocus. It was great the
first time. It is fine the second time. It’s a nice thing to
watch with the wind whistling at your windows. Just show the
children the old version and leave it at that.

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