The Spice Girls Will Spice Up Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s Wedding!!!

A song I hope the Spice
Girls perform for Harry and Meghan’s first dance.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will wed under a shining sun and
a bluebell sky in merry olde Englande on May 19. People will
cry, everyone will buy a tea towel, and then, at some point
during the festivities, the freaking SPICE GIRLS will

This blessed news was (maybe)
accidentally revealed
by Mel B. on Tuesday’s episode of
The Real; Mel B said at first that she was indeed
invited to the royal wedding, along with her other famous
friends, Baby, Ginger, Posh, and Sporty. The invitation came in
an official capacity, though Mel B. would not say if it came in
a box—I’m imagining some version of the red box Claire Foy
addresses in The Crown, but made of Royal Doulton
china with Meghan’s new crest (does she get one?) sensually
intertwined with Harry’s crest and overlaid with gold leaf—but
regardless of how it arrived, it did.

Anyway!! Loni Love asked Mel if the Spice Girls will be
performing and Mel B., already aware that she had said TOO
MUCH, didn’t say yes, but didn’t say no either.

Many screamings happened and I don’t know about you, but I’m
pretty sure that Mel B. and her good friends the Spice Girls
are performing at the Royal Wedding and everyone, including
Prince Harry’s childhood self and Prince William’s old hair
(see photo), will be very excited for that momentous occaison!!

Photo: Max Nash (AP)

Some suggestions for the run of show, if the Spice Girls are
taking requests. Harry and Meghan will wed to the dulcet tones
of “2 Become 1″, performed by a children’s choir, their sweet
voices echoing through the rich acoustics of St. George’s
chapel; they will be presented as man and wife to the adoring
crowd to the bridge of “Too
”—sung live by Sporty, natch!— and will perform a
choreographed routine NOT to “Wannabe” but to “Stop.” The Queen
will smile and pull tight on her gloves; Kate Middleton will
urge Charlotte towards the dance floor. “Dance with your Aunt
Meghan,” she’ll say through gritted teeth. “Dance.

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